I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Randomize
