It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
