Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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