it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
