The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
