Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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