if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
