her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
