Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
