Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Randomize