apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
