Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize