i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Randomize
