She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Randomize
