i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
