if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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