After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
