Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
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