Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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