mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
