you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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