it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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