Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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