Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize