Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
