shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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