Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize