If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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