its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
