You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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