The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
be right there i have to get my cape
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
