don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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