people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
