I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
