Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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