omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
