how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
