I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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