I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
How many fucks given?
0.12846
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
