I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
