i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
