I wish I only lived at night.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize