I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Randomize
