Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
