I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
