the new term for farting is butt boxing.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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