summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
