youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
