We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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