People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
