He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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