never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Randomize
