Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
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