my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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