Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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