quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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