Your dad touched me again.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
