the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
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