U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
it's not cheating when I paid for it
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
