when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
My feet surprised me
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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