hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
