i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
