Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
