afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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