oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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