walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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