By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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