I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
So apparently I’m into choking now
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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