ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I believe in your delicious
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
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