your parents love me but you hate me
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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