so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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