I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
