mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
did i just pee glitter
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
