fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize