We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
