WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Still dying that you shit outside
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
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