i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
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