man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I want to be your penis for a week.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
