I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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