you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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