i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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