I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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