I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
